Jennifer!
It was love all along: meeting my crush
By:
The festivities ended in high gear, and January found us still in a festive mood- we had to cut them though, because it was the New Year, and things needed to go back to normal as quickly as possible. The spring semester is starting tomorrow- I needed to bring my head back to thinking about books.
“It is open,” I shout. It is my small brother Keith at the door waking me up to start the day. The young boy is an early bird, he is the chatterbox of our family, his jokes keep us all smiling, it is hard to find a single moment he is not happy. I am happy to hear his voice save for the sweet dream he has interrupted, and it is about a girl I’m crazy about in school.
I jump out of bed. It is a beautiful Monday. I am intrigued by the dream I just had. It is about Jennifer, my crush at school. “I now dream about her?” my thoughts are giving me a rollercoaster about her- there is no doubt I do like Jennifer.
“Good morning, mum,” I greet my mum, who is in the kitchen making breakfast, I smell eggs, and I’m excited mum is making her signature pancakes- we all love them in the house. Mum and I are so close, and she is my best friend. I’m still thinking about Jennifer.
“I think I’m in love mommy,” she turns to look at me with a smile.
“That’s a good thing son, when is she coming for dinner?” my mum responds as she turns off the cooker, she is done making breakfast.
“This night, she was in my dreams, mum,” by this time, my mum started laughing while making faces at me.
“So it was just a dream? Is there even a girl in your life really?” coming to think of it, I realize I made no sense anyway. As I walk, I can still hear my mum laughing.
It is Tuesday, and I’m back to school. My eyes are on Jennifer who is seated in the front row. From behind her long hair shines as the sun rays enter the classroom through the window. I can tell she has sprayed her hair this morning. I keep my eyes on her hoping she will turn around so I can look into her big brown eyes and, if possible, blow a kiss on her way.
“Dude, the teacher is in class.” It was my desk-mate, Joe. I didn’t notice the teacher walk in. My mind was with Jennifer all this time.
“Good morning students,” the English teacher greets.
“Good morning sir,” we respond in unison.
After class, I am all psyched up to meet Jennifer. By this time, I have resolved to introduce myself and build up a friendship. Joe is all excited about it. My friend knows I like Jennifer.
“Hi Jennie,” I whisper from behind. Jennifer turns, and our eyes meet.
“Hi,” she responds.
This writing piece you wrote for me. I would like you to add on and revise it a little and add on three more pages to this story. For this week’s assignment, I will post my professor’s instructions below.
We have encountered the idea that many more pages go into the writing of a piece than what makes it onto the final page. The final page that comes to the reader is “the tip of the iceberg” of all the pages the writer has produced, so that the writer has built a complete world before the piece comes to the reader, and the reader can sense all of those pages, that time, the dense imagining of the writer in the (relatively) few words the writer has generated for the piece that end up coming to the reader.
Most published pieces have had 20 pages written for every page the reader encounters.
This assignment is geared toward generating more of the world of your story.
We are circling back to our earlier work with concrete, significant objects and details, as well as duration, scene, and setting for these assignments. Please feel free to review your Notes on those sets of readings if you like.
The assignment takes two parts. Please do both and be sure to set aside a good hour or so for each.
*please note that, with these assignments, you’re not transcribing what already exists in your piece; you’re adding additional qualities that you have not yet written about in your piece, to incorporate later
I. Concrete Objects
Please write down three concrete objects that appear in your piece. For each, please close your eyes and write down all the sensory qualities of the object that come to mind. You can cycle through touch, taste, smell, sight, smell, and hearing, if you like. But I encourage you to go beyond the basic five senses, and just associate about the object on the space on the page. Each object should have a list of at least 10-15 qualities or associations.
Please check out this Model from a former participant in the class.
Remember, you’re not transcribing the qualities of the object already in your piece. You’re sitting with the object and coming up with new qualities (i.e., you’re generating new words, some of which might make it into your revision).
Please turn in this work in the following format:
I Concrete Objects
Object 1: [name of object]
[list of sensory qualities of object here]
Object 2: [name of object]
[list of sensory qualities of object here]
Object 3: [name of object]
[list of sensory qualities of object here]
II. Duration, Scene, and Setting
Write down three concrete objects that are essential aspects of the setting in your piece. The moon in the sky, perhaps. A crick. A dark patch of watercress. Now, I’d like you to think about what McCloud said about closure (the way the mind fills in gaps). Put this together with what Chekhov said–“Don’t show me the moon in the sky; show me the glint of light on broken glass.” (Actually, that was a misquote; he said, “In descriptions of nature one must seize on small details, grouping them so that when the reader closes his eyes he gets a picture. For instance, you’ll have a moonlit night if you write that on the mill dam a piece of glass from a broken bottle glittered like a bright little star, and that the black shadow of a dog or wolf rolled past like a ball.”)
For each object you’ve chosen, create a list of concrete things that surround that object; things that would evoke its presence. Write at least five to seven of these surrounding objects for the objects you’ve chosen, like the glint of light on broken glass that evokes the moon in the Chekhov quote above.
Next, write down two different places in which your character moves in your piece. You can pull existing quotes from the piece, or write a new passage or two in which the character moves from one place to another (as the narrator of the Adjei-Brenyah story moves into the 7-Eleven, around in the 7-Eleven, or out the door of the 7-Eleven).
Break what the character sees down into frozen, “panelized” images. Give a list of five to seven frozen images, step by step, in terms of what the character sees during the movement you’re tracing in the piece. Now, write a new sentence or series of sentences in which you use only three of these images. Pay attention to what you leave out. Try to create a sense of motion in your reader’s mind simply by the series of images you present, and nothing else.
Please check out this Model (Links to an external site.)from a former participant in the class.
Please turn in this work in the following format:
II. Duration, Scene, and Setting
Setting Object 1: [name of object]
[list of surrounding objects here]
Setting Object 2: [name of object]
[list of surrounding objects here]
Object 3: [name of object]
[list of surrounding objects here]
Movement 1: [description of movement]
[list of five to seven panelized images here]
[new sentence or sentences with three images here]
Movement 2: [description of movement]
[list of five to seven panelized images here]
[new sentence or sentences with three images here]
