Read all comments (mine and your classmates’) on your Intro draft and revise accordingly.
Then post a detailed Essay 2 outline with your Intro & Thesis written out completely. This will likely be 4 pages total.
This is her comment and my peer please use the intro is on my file and use the references list too
Great start on this. Here’s some feedback from my end:
First, your paragraphs are very short, almost like a newspaper editorial. You want your paragraphs to be around 2/3 page each.
Second, the first 5 paragraphs all seem to repeat the same information. How can you combine similar information using transitions and remove the rest to avoid repetition? A mini intro outline might help.
Third, be sure to introduce and discuss all quotes–don’t just leave them hanging there.
Fourth, can you take a “historical” approach when TikTok only become popular 3 years ago?Great start on this. Here’s some feedback from my end:
First, your paragraphs are very short, almost like a newspaper editorial. You want your paragraphs to be around 2/3 page each.
Second, the first 5 paragraphs all seem to repeat the same information. How can you combine similar information using transitions and remove the rest to avoid repetition? A mini intro outline might help.
Third, be sure to introduce and discuss all quotes–don’t just leave them hanging there.
Fourth, can you take a “historical” approach when TikTok only become popular 3 years ago?
