The document attached below (critical analysis essay) is an submission made to which I have received feedback. I need to work on this feedback and act upon it to improve my submission and re-submit it.
This task requires you to read and act on the feedback and apply it to the paper
Step 1: Read the feedback provided for the first submission.
Step 2: Re-read the document attached with a critical eye.
Step 3: Highlight sections you identify as needing improvement and/or make some notes on areas you can improve. Create an action plan list if you like.
Step 4: Take action! Begin further research, re-word the work and make it more of a critical analysis. Action the feedback and aim to go above and beyond.
Step 5: List the major edits/changes that you have made based on your the feedback for the initial submission. This will allow me to compare the changes that you have made.
Note: Please add this list to the start of your submission.
Step 6: Cite all sources, including any images you use using, with the Swinburne Harvard referencing style. Please also double-check the references
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Feedback for the first submission
1. Evidence of Research (18/30)
the research undertaken as there was the minimum 6 academic texts included. While these references were used throughout, there was room to expand greatly on what was included, with a few areas where I have highlighted that could have been supported through a source, as well as building on the current chosen sources with more wider research to provide a deeper analysis.
2. Application of concepts and theories (23/40)
The essay was vastly over in the word count so be aware that the word limit is 1500 words. Adorno & Horkheimer’s theory was explained however this could be far more succinct, along with ensuring it really sticks within the essay topic which sometimes drifted off. What wasn’t clear was the position I was taking on this theory, so the essay argument which the topic requires so try and be clear whether you agree or disagree with the “the Culture Industry” theory. See my comments on Channing Tatum and Marilyn Monroe to ensure the examples used are more relevant.
3. Clarity of written expression (13/20)
It was good to see some of the ideas presented clearly throughout however reviewing the essay structure may help with ensuring the points are more on target with addressing the topic. Although I have indicated in parts that the points don’t relate to the topic, I think this can be overcome with reducing the word count to the correct word limit and removing extraneous information. Pay attention to the comments on the Introduction and conclusion so these two areas can be strengthened.
4. Presentation and referencing (6/10)
The end list of references looks on target with Harvard Style References however the in-text referencing needs some attention such as missing page numbers so take another glance at the Harvard Style guide.
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More feedback from intext
– Remove the headings as they are not needed in an critical analysis essay
– an Introduction should identify your topic, provide essential context, and indicate your particular focus in the essay.
– first sentence of analysis: Who says this is a negative characteristic … can this be supported by a reference? If not, we can change that part
– quote from essay:”his concept was realised and detailed by immigrant Germans ” Feedback: Are you referring to Adorno & Horheimer … if so then you need to introduce them earlier in the essay and give them context such as their background. … it would be: “… the immigrant Germans …”
– You have explained the Frankfurt School further down but you shouldn’t use the term until the explanation appears first so your reader understand what you are talking about.
– essay quote: “he author argues that just because a product is always on your television screen or on the
pages of your favorite newspaper does not mean that they are the most suitable product in the
market.” Feedback: “This needs a reference”
– Essay quote:” e also ensured that he
kept highlighting the achievements of Adolf Hitler that way, the consumers who were the audience rallied behind him.” Feedback: ” While this is interesting, there needs to be a stronger link back to “the Culture Industry” idea so would leave out.”
– Essay quote: “Theodore and Max further disseminate their theory by classifying the audience that was the
recipients of Hitler’s propaganda. Some decoded and encoded the messages differently
depending on their stand on the messages that the Hitler regime shared. Those who were
passively interested and amused by their leader were curious to see and evaluate his perspective. Then others completely disagreed with Hitler’s ideologies.” Feedback: “I don’t understand the point being made here as this refers to A&H in Germany rather than America.”
– Essay quote:” …ould be produced due to public demand built anticipation for the film and opened the gates
wide for the early adopters of what can now be described as a successful advertisement campaign” Feedback: needs to be a link back to the theory … how does this point relate back to “the culture Industry”?
– Essay quote:” Considering
the economic imbalance of the society, producers of products are forced to produce products with varying qualities and varying prices. ” Feedback:”Reference here”
– Essay quote:” This general audience classification is by far the most inaccurate
the industry has been in a long while, as the consumer needs evolve and change daily. The
various corporations cannot keep up. According to research organisation charts, the income groups are recorded in the same technique the propaganda data was organised.” Feedback: This does not make sense
– Perhaps rethink the two examples of Channing Tatum and Marilyn Monroe. Consider examples that demonstrate the “Culture Industry” in action more such as a soap opera or Reality TV which show how these are formulaic and repetitive content and you could even bring the ideological/hegemonic perspective as well. This would have a closer relationship to the theory rather than these examples.
– Ensure that the conclusion still relates back to A&H theory … the Conclusion should restate your argument; have a short summary of your points and leave the reader with a final statement/thought about your essay.
