You described a “real life” instance of your selected social issue in a professional or a personal setting. You discussed your perspective on your selected social issue, including the reasons for your viewpoint.
In order to prepare you for future classes, WRTG112, and real-world scenarios, I have made suggestions to ensure that the essay meets APA formatting guidelines. You will see suggestions that encourage the use of sources for every sentence in the essay except for the hook, thesis statement, topic sentences and an occasional transitional sentence. These suggestions are not to discourage you, but to ensure success in future classes. Additionally, this real-world technique offers students the tools to support a position based on solid evidence rather than opinion.
You discussed how your core values inform or influence your perspective on your selected social issue.
You demonstrated that you are really thinking about your issue. You discussed the complexities of your selected social issue.
Work to write in past tense and Third Person.
Organization
You included an Introductory paragraph
Add a stronger Hook that contains a statistic, quotation, question or a shocking statement.
Work to write in past tense and Third Person.
Make sure that when evidence is introduced into the introductory paragraph the reader immediately sees after the Hook an In text citation or a signal phrase. Do not use titles or any other information to substitute for an In text citation and signal phrase. In other words after the “hook” the reader should either see an intext citation like “Smith (2020) stated…” or an intext citation at the end of the sentence like “…” (Smith, 2020). If the sentence is a quotation add a page or paragraph number.
Integrate hard evidence into the introductory paragraph (In text citation and signal phrase); remove what appears to personal opinion/hypothetical information because the information does not have a citation. These sentences are highlighted in yellow.
Remember one citation only counts for that sentence. Every sentence, except the hook, topic sentences and the thesis, should have a citation or source integration. If the sentence does not have a citation or source integration, it should be removed because it reads like personal opinion/hypothetical information.
Even though the subject discussed may have a personal connection to the writer, the writer should discuss the subject without personal bias and based on facts (quotations and paraphrases from articles read). Be careful to use an argument-unbiased tone. Let the readers draw their conclusions from the strength of the sources. This discussion technique is the soul of the APA style of writing.
Add transitional terms
Do not use Contractions
Add a Thesis Statement at the end of the introductory paragraph. A thesis should have a subject, a strong, active, past tense verb that outlines the subject’s purpose, must be arguable, and answers the “So what” question.
Here is the pattern I look for in an Introductory paragraph.
Use the Funnel Method to write the Introductory paragraph; add sources (In text citation and signal phrase) from the body paragraphs
Use a Hook as the first sentence of the introductory paragraph. Statistics, questions or a quotation work well
After the hook , follow it with three to four supporting sentences with In text citation and signal phrase. For example:
First, Purnell (2015) reported that….. Additionally, Clay (2001) stated that… Finally, Sapolsky (2018) contended that….(These signal phrases are from “Health and Wealth,” but you could use the three sources from the other topics: “Freedom and Security” or “Language and Power.”
The last sentence in the introductory paragraph would be the summary sentence, the Thesis Statement. A thesis should have a subject, a strong, active, past tense verb that outlines the subject’s purpose, must be arguable, and answers the “So what” question.
You included 3 Body paragraphs
Add strong Topic Sentence; do not use a quotation, In text citation, or a signal phrase as a topic sentence
Strengthen all supporting sentences with Paraphrases, In text citation, signal phrases and Source Integration; see the information in the Introductory paragraph suggestions.
Remove personal opinion from the body paragraph. Sentences without a citation or source integration may be interpreted as personal opinion. These sentences are highlighted in yellow.
Here is the pattern APA pattern I look for in the body Body paragraph:
Good Topic Sentence that includes a strong subject and a strong, active, past tense verb that covers all the supporting sentences in the paragraph; possibly a transitional term like “first.” A strong topic sentence will help the coherence in your essay.
Followed by three to four Supporting Sentences with In text citation, signal phrases and Source Integration. For example:
First, Purnell (2015) stated… Additionally, he reported… The article argued… Finally, Purnell concluded that… (add transitional sentence) These signal phrases are from “Health and Wealth,” but you could use the three sources from the other topics: “Freedom and Security” or “Language and Power.”
You included 3 quotations from the course readings
All quotations require the author(s) last name, year of publication and a page number [p.] (paragraph number [para.] for electronic articles with no pages)
Immediately after the Topic Sentence, when information is first stated in the body paragraph, the reader should see an In text citation or a signal phrase because the information should be from a source (book, journal article, or website). Do not add extra information such as the author’s title or the title of the article. This extra information should be removed from the essay, although it adds to the word count, it does detract from Academic tone and Concise language which is the preferred methods of presentation in APA formatted essays.
You ended your essay with a Concluding paragraph
You restated the thesis statements
Summarized your key points
Left the reader with “So what” question
Add sources from the body paragraph to the statements in the concluding paragraph, so that the concluding paragraph is based on the sources and does not appear to be personal opinion.
Grammar and Mechanics
punctuation: this includes things such as proper use of commas, colons, and apostrophes. See the attached Grammarly.com report
word-level accuracy: this includes things such as proper capitalization, spelling, word-tense, and usage. See the attached Grammarly.com report
sentence-level accuracy: this includes things such as proper sentence boundaries, subject-verb agreement, and pronoun-antecedent agreement. See the attached Grammarly.com report
Sources and Documentation
You used 5 sources
You attempted APA-style documentation for in-text citations– all sentences except the thesis statement, topic sentence and occasional transitional should have a citation
All quotations require the author(s) last name, year of publication and a page number (paragraph number for electronic articles with no pages)
All Paraphrases require the author(s) last name, year of publication the first time they are used in a paragraph
After introducing a source by In text citation or signal phrase , continue to give credit to the article through Source Integration.
Format and Length
Your paper included a proper heading and title. Consider using an APA Formatted Cover Page
Your paper was typed, double-spaced and in 12-point font.
Your final product consisted of six paragraphs (about 900-1100 words) in length
Remember the word count does not include the title page or references.
Core Values
Discussed your core values as it relates to your topic.
Your submission contained a reference page.
I enjoyed reading your Case Study Rough Draft. If you have any questions, or concerns, please let me know.
Cheers,
DocYou described a “real life” instance of your selected social issue in a professional or a personal setting. You discussed your perspective on your selected social issue, including the reasons for your viewpoint.
In order to prepare you for future classes, WRTG112, and real-world scenarios, I have made suggestions to ensure that the essay meets APA formatting guidelines. You will see suggestions that encourage the use of sources for every sentence in the essay except for the hook, thesis statement, topic sentences and an occasional transitional sentence. These suggestions are not to discourage you, but to ensure success in future classes. Additionally, this real-world technique offers students the tools to support a position based on solid evidence rather than opinion.
You discussed how your core values inform or influence your perspective on your selected social issue.
You demonstrated that you are really thinking about your issue. You discussed the complexities of your selected social issue.
Work to write in past tense and Third Person.
Organization
You included an Introductory paragraph
Add a stronger Hook that contains a statistic, quotation, question or a shocking statement.
Work to write in past tense and Third Person.
Make sure that when evidence is introduced into the introductory paragraph the reader immediately sees after the Hook an In text citation or a signal phrase. Do not use titles or any other information to substitute for an In text citation and signal phrase. In other words after the “hook” the reader should either see an intext citation like “Smith (2020) stated…” or an intext citation at the end of the sentence like “…” (Smith, 2020). If the sentence is a quotation add a page or paragraph number.
Integrate hard evidence into the introductory paragraph (In text citation and signal phrase); remove what appears to personal opinion/hypothetical information because the information does not have a citation. These sentences are highlighted in yellow.
Remember one citation only counts for that sentence. Every sentence, except the hook, topic sentences and the thesis, should have a citation or source integration. If the sentence does not have a citation or source integration, it should be removed because it reads like personal opinion/hypothetical information.
Even though the subject discussed may have a personal connection to the writer, the writer should discuss the subject without personal bias and based on facts (quotations and paraphrases from articles read). Be careful to use an argument-unbiased tone. Let the readers draw their conclusions from the strength of the sources. This discussion technique is the soul of the APA style of writing.
Add transitional terms
Do not use Contractions
Add a Thesis Statement at the end of the introductory paragraph. A thesis should have a subject, a strong, active, past tense verb that outlines the subject’s purpose, must be arguable, and answers the “So what” question.
Here is the pattern I look for in an Introductory paragraph.
Use the Funnel Method to write the Introductory paragraph; add sources (In text citation and signal phrase) from the body paragraphs
Use a Hook as the first sentence of the introductory paragraph. Statistics, questions or a quotation work well
After the hook , follow it with three to four supporting sentences with In text citation and signal phrase. For example:
First, Purnell (2015) reported that….. Additionally, Clay (2001) stated that… Finally, Sapolsky (2018) contended that….(These signal phrases are from “Health and Wealth,” but you could use the three sources from the other topics: “Freedom and Security” or “Language and Power.”
The last sentence in the introductory paragraph would be the summary sentence, the Thesis Statement. A thesis should have a subject, a strong, active, past tense verb that outlines the subject’s purpose, must be arguable, and answers the “So what” question.
You included 3 Body paragraphs
Add strong Topic Sentence; do not use a quotation, In text citation, or a signal phrase as a topic sentence
Strengthen all supporting sentences with Paraphrases, In text citation, signal phrases and Source Integration; see the information in the Introductory paragraph suggestions.
Remove personal opinion from the body paragraph. Sentences without a citation or source integration may be interpreted as personal opinion. These sentences are highlighted in yellow.
Here is the pattern APA pattern I look for in the body Body paragraph:
Good Topic Sentence that includes a strong subject and a strong, active, past tense verb that covers all the supporting sentences in the paragraph; possibly a transitional term like “first.” A strong topic sentence will help the coherence in your essay.
Followed by three to four Supporting Sentences with In text citations, signal phrases, and Source Integration. For example:
First, Purnell (2015) stated… Additionally, he reported… The article argued… Finally, Purnell concluded that… (add transitional sentence) These signal phrases are from “Health and Wealth,” but you could use the three sources from the other topics: “Freedom and Security” or “Language and Power.”
You included 3 quotations from the course readings
All quotations require the author(s) last name, year of publication and a page number [p.] (paragraph number [para.] for electronic articles with no pages)
Immediately after the Topic Sentence, when information is first stated in the body paragraph, the reader should see an In text citation or a signal phrase because the information should be from a source (book, journal article, or website). Do not add extra information such as the author’s title or the title of the article. This extra information should be removed from the essay, although it adds to the word count, it does detract from Academic tone and Concise language which is the preferred methods of presentation in APA formatted essays.
You ended your essay with a Concluding paragraph
You restated the thesis statements
Summarized your key points
Left the reader with a “So what” question
Add sources from the body paragraph to the statements in the concluding paragraph, so that the concluding paragraph is based on the sources and does not appear to be personal opinion.
Grammar and Mechanics
punctuation: this includes things such as proper use of commas, colons, and apostrophes. See the attached Grammarly.com report
word-level accuracy: this includes things such as proper capitalization, spelling, word tense, and usage. See the attached Grammarly.com report
sentence-level accuracy: this includes things such as proper sentence boundaries, subject-verb agreement, and pronoun-antecedent agreement. See the attached Grammarly.com report
Sources and Documentation
You used 5 sources
You attempted APA-style documentation for in-text citations– all sentences except the thesis statement, topic sentence and occasional transitional should have a citation
All quotations require the author(s) last name, year of publication, and a page number (paragraph number for electronic articles with no pages)
All Paraphrases require the author(s) last name, year of publication the first time they are used in a paragraph
After introducing a source by In-text citation or signal phrase, continue to give credit to the article through Source Integration.
Format and Length
Your paper included a proper heading and title. Consider using an APA Formatted Cover Page
Your paper was typed, double-spaced and in 12-point font.
Your final product consisted of six paragraphs (about 900-1100 words) in length
Remember the word count does not include the title page or references.
Core Values
Discussed your core values as it relates to your topic.
Your submission contained a reference page.
I enjoyed reading your Case Study Rough Draft. If you have any questions or concerns, please let me know.
Cheers,
Doc
Reflection Questions
Which areas of feedback did you choose to address in your revised version and why?
How did you address this feedback in your revised version?
Which areas of feedback did you choose not to address in your revised version and why?
