Good job with your cover page.Your title only needs to appear on cover page and on page 2 ( above your intro), not every page. Also, I’m not not sure why the text on your last page is centered. You have to work on the logic of your writing. Your sentences don’t connect from one sentence to the next, and sometimes the first half of your sentence has nothing to do with the second half. For example: Jacqueline Navarra Rhoad in Albion, New York. What are you saying here? She was 20 years old at Saint Mary’s. – What does her age have to do with St Marys? Rhoad wants to do something for the country but is a nurse in the army.-The logic of this sentence doesn’t make sense- being a nurse in the army is doing something for her country, So why would you phrase it like it’s a contradiction? Your intro needs to end with a thesis statement that tells the reader the main idea of your essay and answers the essay question. I don’t know what argument you’re trying to make in your first body paragraph or how your paragraph is answering the essay question. You need a clear and specific topic sentence that states the main point you’re trying to make. Your discussion is very general, and I don’t see a relationship between what you’re saying and the quote you chose. Your second body paragraph also needs a clear topic sentence that states the point you’re making here. You’re raising many different ideas in this paragraph so it’s not clear what focus is ( each body paragraph should focus on one specific point). Your sentences are also not order logically ( they seem randomly listed so it’s difficult to follow your train of thought). The rest of your essay pretty much has the same issues as what I have previously stated.
