Hi, this is an essay that one of my classmate wrote she got a bad grade on it, in order to get a good grade the professor asked her to revise this paper. in the attachment is the article and her essay Here is the feedback she got from the professor. “ You don’t need a running head, and add a space between your title and your name. Don’t put extra spaces between paragraphs, and do a full indent for the first line of each paragraph. Your essay is underdeveloped. It should be a minimum of 3 full pages of text. Develop your intro more and end your intro with a thesis that states the main idea of your essay and answers the essay question. Your first body paragraph needs a topic sentence that states the main idea of this paragraph (your first 3 sentences are each saying something different). You also need more context for your quotes so we know what’s going on in the texts, and more analysis and discussion of your evidence so we know how your quotes are supporting your topic sentences and how your points are supporting your thesis. The rest of your essay pretty much has the same issues mentioned here. Good job with your in-text citations. Your essay has the potential to be stronger. Here are the things you need to focus on: Create a thesis. Begin each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Give more context for your quotes so we can better understand them Develop your analysis and discussion, and your essay overall. Proofread your work.”
