Thank you so much for helping with this assignment. I have attached my draft (with teacher’s in-text comments) along with her other comments below. I’ve also attached the assignment requirements and an example she provided us for reference.
Justin, you have a good start to your draft. It is clear that you love the movie.
Here are a few things to work on:
1. Organization. With so many short, choppy paragraphs, it is difficult to follow your organization. Keep your evidence in the same paragraph as the topic sentence that previews its criterion. Work on combining many of your paragraphs.
2. Add an alternative judgment. This is a required element, and I do not see it represented yet.
3. Design & Layout. The images are colorful but could add more in terms of context. Also, there is a lot of white space surrounding them. Other than images, you have not included many other design elements that we have discussed that fit a magazine style. Work on that.
4. Expression. There is room for a bit more of a casual tone in your draft. Play with the language a bit more.
