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On the first point, both passages address someone being beaten. Perhaps your ‘point’ could be clearer. These two passages certainly go together well to support a more specific point on what it takes to beat someone as in both these cases. The second point is not quite clear. As written, it’s too general. Is this point about NOT doing anything to help someone in an effort to promote one’s own survival? The passage from the Bowles story is about removing the tongue — the analysis could go into the inner worlds of both characters in order to refine the second point — how one endures suffering, perhaps? What tools are used in these instances? These are good selections for analysis, which require some refining in order to provide a clear thesis/ argument. 23.5 / B-
