Your title is awesome! “Whose accumulations is awkward” Esther noted this in her peer review, so why didn’t you revise it? Avoid sensationalism, judgment, and opinion in scholarly writing – describe the experiences and let your reader decide how horrible they are. Again, Esther was correct in suggesting you remove the word sometimes. None of your reviewers provided a ton of feedback, so why didn’t you consider their input? Delete the extra space in between your paragraphs. Review APA to vary your in-text citation format. Again, as Esther noted. What does “young adults exhibit the youth” mean?
Good explanation of the social problem and operationalization of your key terms – try to write a bit more concisely. Also, pay attention to singular and plural forms – you have some confusion with this on page 3. What is presence of suicide? Review APA for in-text citation format.
Outstanding prevalence rates section. Showcasing is not the best term here – also, the word ‘while’ means simultaneously, consider using whereas, although, or though, instead. Review your source – Psychiatry Advisor didn’t conduct the study. Also, whenever possible, cite primary sources. As person-centered social workers, we capitalize Black and White when referring to race.
Historical and Social Context – use the most valid and reliable sources possible. If you’re going to use the phrase, the implication is – be sure to remove the word here. Your micro example is mezzo – and did you mean to say macro in the last sentence? This section should be explained in more detail.
Local Impact/Response – word choice – notably – please read your papers out loud. Jada, the first sentence of you second paragraph is unclear. Esther noted that. What’s the point of peer review if you aren’t going to use it to strengthen your work? You list the State Department, but where’s your local impact/response information? From our syllabus: What is the local impact of your topic? Who in the local community is addressing this topic? Are there other programs or agencies in your community serving this population? If so, who are they? What would you do differently than they are doing? Should your effort be a partnership? If so, explain why you should partner with them and how you would go about it. Which other programs are clients most likely to interact with related to their challenges? Charlotte’s Council for Children’s Rights? Lilypad Haven?
The intervention needs to be something more specific than community-based (remember you’ll need 8 empirical studies on your intervention) and should be described in paper II – not here. This section is for a theory. You changed from Feminist Theory? Systems Theory is singular – not plural. The behavioral exhibition?
Remember that the capstone project is how MSW students demonstrate their competency and mastery of topics learned over their time in the program. Your mastery of theory is difficult for me to assess from your description of systems theory. Please demonstrate that you understand the tenets of the theory and then apply the theory in a way that helps your reader better understand your topic. Finally, systems theory does not include a social justice lens, so consider adding that when you revise this paper.
Your reference format is close – but not quite there – please review APA. (For example: journal titles should not be abbreviated and should be capitalized, dois should be provided).
