“Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others” OR “Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design” Going to choose whichever fits better
*650 Word Limit*
I attached a preliminary draft before that has the central idea I want the essay to have but I am struggling to make it flow well. I want to make the essay sound more powerful and consistent throughout. Here are some pointers I received from another editor:
“Clarity. You could make it more clear exactly why you collect words in the jar. At first, you imply that its for your love of language. Then, you talk about how this jar aided in your mothers comprehension of English wordswhich implies that it helped her learn English. Afterwards, you also talk about how this jar represented your mothers learning to understand your familys numerous mental illnesses. It can be all of these reasons, but you have to be more clear that it is all of these reasons instead of making the reader think it is only one. If its oneas I think mental illness is the core reason for the jar and your passion for neuroscience/cogsciintroduce it at the beginning, make each paragraph about coping with these disorders, and more explicitly detail the struggles.
Put yourself into action. The symbol of the jar and the inspirational figure of your mother battle each other. Remember: the personal statement is about YOU, about your struggles and pain. As inspirational as your mother is, I suggest you keep the symbol of the jar and put yourself more into action.
