1.The essay does not indicate as to when this issue was in headlines.You should refer to any one major headline (with the date it was published) from a news outlet as a way to build some tension in the reader’s mind in respect to the scale of the situation at hand.
2.The thesis does not provide a solution however to the issue and heavily relies on proving how it is unfair. You should provide a solution to the problem.
3. The essay does not introduce the idea of mainstream or alternate media, nor does it create a distinction between them.
4.the essay does not delve into the biases or independent beliefs that each source may introduce. This can be included at various junctions, primarily paragraph 3, where there are two different research groups presented. For example, it can be said that both journals, “International journal of health policy and management,” and “Contemporary drug problems,” are not necessarily biased as they both are international groups researching on the medical and psychological affects of various drugs.
5.The essay does not go over any means of rhetorical analysis on the sources and how the authors of those sources use various rhetoric tool to make their claims more persuasive. You could elaborate on one source and explain why that source persuaded you specifically to use it to verify your own claims
6.The essay does not contribute to explaining the reliability of the sources used. It could be fixed by mentioning how each of the journal is scholarly and peer-reviewed (based on the guidelines in the library guide), and how the news sources are a mix of mainstream and alternate media which diversifies the views presented in the essay. In addition to that, you can also briefly mentioned the business of the news sources or magazine article in paragraph 1.
7.Firstly, the essay does not necessarily use emotional appeal to present its claims and to firm it stand towards the issue. It also does not follow the rational appeal part to its full extent. Although is consists of valid empirical evidence to support the claims, it does not delve any further as to how those sources are valid, biased, reliable, etc. It could also benefit from introducing ethical appeal in the form passage that introduced the author’s opinion as to how the policy might affect the society if it were to be changed. Lastly, the essay does not include the rhetorical analysis on the sources, representing how one source is persuasive than the other and identifying the rhetorical tools that the authors of those sources use to bring forth their claims.09:04 PM
